Thursday, 22 September 2011

...And then I found I could time-travel

 Salutations from the 1940's.

Currently I find oneself sat on my bedspread.Quite comfortable in fact, one might say. And would you quite believe it if I told you, dearest friend, that my hair is in curlers?

Okay, so I'm quite clearly not time travelling. Just being a moron. But my hair is wrapped up. Don't ask and I shall explain.

I decided after a long day at work (and another face painting lesson witha skilled gentleman from the Tom Ford Beau-tettes) I am exhausted and what better way to reach maximum R&R than to wash your hair and wrap it round bits of foam with a scarf tied on top.
As mini Dodd so kindly put it,
"You've aged 20 years"

Personally , I think it's more than that, but a mere 20 years is far more flattering.
To be honest I have no idea how my mop will look in the morning, having never tried this particular 'curling' technique before. So I will be dragging myself from my bed much earlier than usual just to make sure I have plenty of time for damage control. I'm hoping for loose waves, modelled perfectly by Miss Keira Knightley in Pirates of the Caribbean. But I'll think it'll be more "electrocuted fuzz"...

I will also be dragging my tired and weary body from the comfort of my pillows and duvet so that I can pack my bag. Indeed friends, tomorrow is Friday. It took long enough arriving, and I can't wait to see Frank.
Just a quick plea while I'm here as it would be rude not to make full use of this broadcasting facility:

"Dear M25 users, 1) stop hitting the brakes and just step off the gas, 2)stay off the arse of the car infront and 3) get out of the middle lane. Follow these simple, simple rules or a crazy looking angry girl in a black (and battered) KA will hunt you down. Thank you"

I don't know how many drivers read this, and indeed I don't know how many of those spend Friday's on the UK motorway network-   so as a precautionary measure Frank has been instructed to have a gin and tonic on ice ready for the moment I step in the door.
He's well trained now, having seen me arrive frazzled and frustrated often enough. When you don't see your girlfriend for two or three weeks the last thing you want it to have her cursing and spitting feathers when she arrives. Alcohol, it seems,  has medatitve qualities and eventually shuts me up and knocks me out.

If indeed these hair curlers do have time travelling capabilities, I would happily walk into work tomorrow morning at 9am proudly sporting this ridiculous look, and poof! suddenly arrive fresh faced, calm and collected in Ipswich for 9.30pm. (30 minutes covers the time difference, and gives me time to remove these foamy worms from my head.)

Scientists, I'd love it if you could work on this for me please. Call it a favour!